Geeky, but funny, UNIX commands

For those UNIX users out there...

    *  % make fire
      Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.
    * % why not?
      No match.
    * % gotta light?
      No match.
    * % !1984
      1984: Event not found. # (on some systems)
    * % How's my lovemaking?
      Unmatched '.
    * % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
      Unmatched ".
    * % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
      Missing ].
    * % [Where is my brain?
      Missing ].
    * % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
      Modifier failed.
    * % ^How did the sex change operation go?
      Bad substitute.
    * % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
      Too many ('s.
    * % man: why did you get a divorce?
      man:: Too many arguments.
    * % %blow
      %blow: No such job.
    * % \(-
      (-: Command not found.
    * % sh
      $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
      no sense in pretending!
    * $ mkdir matter; cat >matter
      matter: cannot create
    * % cd /tmp
      % touch this; chmod 000 this
      % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
      % U this
      U: cannot touch this: no write permission
    * % rm meese-ethics
      rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
    * % cd ~god
      Unknown user: god.
    * % ar m God
      ar: God does not exist
    * % make love
      Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
    * % sleep with me
      bad character
    * % ^What is saccharine?
      Bad substitute.
    * % drink
      bottle: cannot open
      opener: not found
    * % alias alias alias
      alias: Too dangerous to alias that.
    * % cat catfood
      cat: cannot open catfood
    * % cat "food in cans"
      cat: can't open food in cans
    * % nice man woman
      No manual entry for woman.
    * % man p***y
      No manual entry for p***y.
    * % rm God
      rm: God nonexistent
    * % ar r God
      ar: creating God
    * % Unmatched ".
      Unmatched ".
    * % write desert
      desert is not logged on.
    * % man you
      No manual entry for you.
    * % !bluemoon
      bluemoon: Event not found.
    * % scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
      "Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found
    * % cat 'the can of tuna'
      cat: cannot open the can of tuna
    * % rm Quayle-brains
      rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent
    * % cat "door: paws too slippery"
      cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
    * % look into "my eyes"
      look: cannot open my eyes
    * % lost
      lost: not found
    * % make war
      Make: Don't know how to make war. Stop.
    * % mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
      yellow_pages: Is a directory
    * %touch me
      %chmod 000 me
      %touch me
      touch: cannot touch me: permission denied
    * % ar x "my love life"
      ar: my love life does not exist
    * % ar x "matey, the treasure"
      ar: matey, the tresure does not exist
    * % talk [email protected]
      talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.
    * % talk Comrade Khruchev
      [Your party is not logged on]
    * make "bottle open"
      make "heads or tails of all this"
      make love
      make mistake
      make sense
      man woman
      man -kisses dog
    * % echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc GET A LIFE!
    * % ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'
      elvis is alive
    * % finger 
      Unknown host
    * % finger [email protected]
      Unknown host
    * % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
      make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '